Battery Acid

I have this amazing head on my shoulder that functions rather oddly.

I can think amazing thoughts, learn amazing things, blast off into the ether at a pace that surprises me.

I can be smart, I can be a genius and when some people see that, that's all they see of me.

But it doesn't work like that.

I have land mines in my head.

I have wells of terrible sadness.

Pits of shame and dispair.

And I step on the mines all the god damn time.

They are simple mines, oh am I a narcissist? Am I bad? Does this person hate me? Wow I did that huh?

It winds me up and I'm gone.

Poof!

my body feels like battery acid.

Gunk in my throat, walls in my chest, breath like toxic air is filling my lungs.

I can catch the thoughts as they come up. I can see myself step into the mine.

A questions fly

what made me think that? What would I have to feel if I couldn't think that? How can I love myself while being with that? What is happening right now?

Yet the mine has already blown up.

The thought have started to melts before my eyes and acid poor through my awareness.

I'm in the shitter now.

All I can do is take pleasure in the shitter.

It's pleasurable when I don't resist it, like hot tea that stings my insides, rippling from my throat and chest thought out my whole body.

I spend most days taking pleasure in the shitter.

My brain functions at 20% capacity. And I'm always surprised how well I still function when most of me is not there.